The Monkey Lab
  BUSTED!!! Just to clarify, this was NOT my mom:  
  From Seth Godin's blog: KH - Its quite amazing to consider the circumstances surrounding our orgins and how we manifest as human beings. The lucky millions of people blessed to live in this bustling metroplis of social darwinism called New York probably dont' realize it, but we hit the life lottery. What are the chances you will reach success? We are only given the hand that the genetic and social lottery is given, but many of us are brought to this city by our own will and determination to make it. Gratitude to our parents and our lucky circumstances are in order. ---------------------------- Warren Buffet on Gratitude Be Grateful There are roughly 6 Billion people in the world. Imagine the worlds biggest lottery where every one of those 6 Billion people was required to draw a ticket. Printed on each ticket were the circumstances in which they would be required to live for the rest of their lives. Printed on each ticket were the following items: - Sex - Race - Place of Birth (Country, State, City, etc.) - Type of Government - Parents names, income levels & occupations - IQ (a normal distribution, with a 66% chance of your IQ being 100 & a standard deviation of 20) - Weight, height, eye color, hair color, etc. - Personality traits, temperment, wit, sense of humor - Health risks If you are reading this blog right now, I'm guessing the ticket you drew when you were born wasn't too bad. The probability of you drawing a ticket that has the favorable circumstances you are in right now is incredibly small (say, 1 in 6 billion). The probability of you being born as your prefereable sex, in the United States, with an average IQ, good health and supportive parents is miniscule. Warren spent about an hour talking about how grateful we should all be for the circumstances we were born into and for the generous ticket we've been offered in life. He said that we should not take it for granted or think that it is the product of something we did - we just drew a lucky ticket. (He also pointed out that his skill of "allocating capital" would be useless if he would have been born in poverty in Bangladesh.) 
  China eschews Windows for Linux Asia Loves Linux -- And Microsoft Scrambles Cost, adaptability, and security concerns have more IT managers ditching Windows for open-source software Bill Gates has never met Chen Yongguang, but the Microsoft Corp. (MSFT ) founder's future may be more dependent on the Chinese information-technology manager -- and thousands like him -- than he'd like. Chen is in charge of IT for the city of Xiaolan, in China's Guangdong province, and recently has become a convert to Linux, the free alternative to Microsoft's flagship Windows computer operating system. Chen recently turned to the software to run the Xiaolan government's 18 servers. It's cheaper than Windows, though saving money "is not a big consideration," he insists. More important, Chen says, is that Linux is less vulnerable to viruses and other rogue programs. He's also pleased that he can get the source code for the software, which allows him to adapt it more easily to his needs. "Windows is not open," he says. "You can't change it." More in in link
  Apple Product Line Graphic Check this shit out: Click Here 
  Tech in 2004: The Theme is Simplicity The Economist survey and David Gelernter’s article capture what is the single biggest challenge facing the computer industry – how to make things simpler. This is especially important for what we are doing because we want to target the next set of users. This is where I believe we have a lot to learn from the telecom industry – both in its devices and the way it offers the services. Economist Survey on IT, focusing on conquering complexity (October) Steven Milunovich, an analyst at Merrill Lynch, offers a further reason why simplicity is only now becoming a big issue. He argues that the IT industry progresses in 15-year waves. In the first wave, during the 1970s and early 1980s, companies installed big mainframe computers; in the second wave, they put in PCs that were hooked up to “server” computers in the basement; and in the third wave, which is breaking now, they are beginning to connect every gadget that employees might use, from hand-held computers to mobile phones, to the internet. The mainframe era, says Mr Milunovich, was dominated by proprietary technology (above all, IBM's), used mostly to automate the back offices of companies, so the number of people actually working with it was small. In the PC era, de facto standards (ie, Microsoft's) ruled, and technology was used for word processors and spreadsheets to make companies' front offices more productive, so the number of people using technology multiplied tenfold. And in the internet era, Mr Milunovich says, de jure standards (those agreed on by industry consortia) are taking over, and every single employee will be expected to use technology, resulting in another tenfold increase in numbers. Moreover, the boundaries between office, car and home will become increasingly blurred and will eventually disappear altogether. In rich countries, virtually the entire population will be expected to be permanently connected to the internet, both as employees and as consumers. This will at last make IT pervasive and ubiquitous, like electricity or telephones before it, so the emphasis will shift towards making gadgets and networks simple to use. UBS's Mr [Pip] Coburn adds a demographic observation. Today, he says, some 70% of the world's population are “analogues”, who are “terrified by technology”, and for whom the pain of technology “is not just the time it takes to figure out new gadgets but the pain of feeling stupid at each moment along the way”. Another 15% are “digital immigrants”, typically thirty-somethings who adopted technology as young adults; and the other 15% are “digital natives”, teenagers and young adults who have never known and cannot imagine life without IM (instant messaging, in case you are an analogue). But a decade from now, Mr Coburn says, virtually the entire population will be digital natives or immigrants, as the ageing analogues convert to avoid social isolation. Once again, the needs of these converts point to a hugely increased demand for simplicity. Gelernter on how to build a better PC (December) What's wrong with today's PC? Plenty. All sorts of functions that ought to be built-in are available only as add-ons or not at all. Like many people, I have several PCs in my life--and I constantly need to ask such ridiculous questions as, "Where did I leave the latest version of that file? By what clumsy method should I move it from where it is to where it's needed?" Such questions are like asking "Where did I leave the starter crank for my Huppmobile?" If you have to ask, your (formerly) hot-shot machine is ready for the folk-art museum. IBM might have done well selling PCs with built-in "transparent information sharing." As soon as you connected such a machine to the Internet, all your electronic documents would immediately be available--no matter where you created or last worked on them. If all your computers had transparent information-sharing, you could start composing an e-mail at work, touch it up during your drive home (using a--theoretical--in-car, audio-interface IBM PC) and finish it up on a laptop in your backyard. Lots of businesses and people would have shelled out for such PCs. Many computer users are overwhelmed by e-mail. Whenever you start work on a computer, you ought to find a one-page e-mail summary ready and waiting. It would tell you at a glance (even if you haven't touched a computer in weeks) which new e-mails look important, which look like junk, and which have been acknowledged but not yet answered. There are dozens more possibilities. Why should anyone waste time throwing out e-mail (or any electronic document) when data storage is dirt cheap? Why are we wedded to a windows-menus-mouse interface that is flat, as if it were stuck to the back of the screen, when computers are easily powerful enough to turn the screen into a viewport that lets us "peer through it" into an imaginary 3-D landscape? (Information can be more clearly and effectively arranged in a 3-D space than on a restricted flat surface.) Large-screen and projection technology is cheaper all the time; why aren't large-screen computers (and living-room computers) a growing (high profit!) segment of the industry? Why doesn't every computer I use show me the exact same desktop, with the same layout of the same icons?--or (at any rate) the same picture, no matter what interface I use? I could go on. Know this for sure: Some company will build all this and more into a radically more powerful, radically simpler PC.  
  Wait until Barry Bonds hears about this A micromachine that walks using muscles that it grew for itself has been developed in a US laboratory.The remarkable device could eventually lead to muscle-based nerve stimulators that let paralysed patients breathe without a ventilator, or to nanobots that clear away plaque from inside the walls of a human coronary artery.Scientists at the University of California in Los Angeles grew a length of muscle about 100 microns long on the underside of a silicon frame measuring 200 microns. The cells were taken from a rat's heart and grown in a culture that mimics natural biological conditions. The muscle contracts and relaxes by feeding on glucose in a solution, the contractions causing the tiny structure to shuffle along. Before, as the third member of Kid N' Play: After, hanging out with C. Evert Koop and an eagle:  
  Top ten reasons to "Just do it" What to tell your girl if you isn't "in the mood": I got this in an email from a girl I know. I'm not sure how accurate it is, but I thought it was pretty interesting. 1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. 2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. 3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner. 4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers! 5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. 6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! 7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. 8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. 9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. 10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.  
  Hands free cellphone on a budget  
  Yeah, this is crude but LMAO!!  
  Its been one of those weekends.... I feel just like this beaver:  
  Judo, taking the place of my Porsche 911 You know how you can tell someone is a grappler? Look at their ears. If it looks hardened and malformed, you know the guy has put his time in. If he doesn't have a black eye or facial bruising or doesn't complain about the weather giving him pain in the knees, he's pansy. Judo, a sport that replaces my ability to purchase a sports car or wear alot of bling bling:  
  Effective Debating tactics These skills can be used in almost any setting, whether it be work or in order to impress that girl you've had your eye on. Remember, the more obnoxious and offensive the better, don't forget to add those latin phrases. Chicks dig latin phrases...yeah that and eyebrow rings. ----------------------------------------- From Rightthinkingchick: I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules: 1) Make things up. Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you are not going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level." NOTE: Always make up exact figures. If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom." 2) Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases. Memorize this list: Let me put it this way In terms of Vis-a-vis Per se As it were Qua So to speak You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't." Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D." Only a fool would challenge that statement. 3) Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks. You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are: You're begging the question. You're being defensive. Don't compare apples to oranges. What are your parameters? This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR. Here's how to use your comebacks: You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873... Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865. You say: You're begging the question. You say: Liberians, like most Asians... Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa. You say: You're being defensive. 4) Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler. This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."  
  El Tres Amigos From Rightthinkinggirl: The United Nations is attempting to stop the spread of AIDS by encouraging the use of condoms. To this end, they have created a series of PSAs using three animated figures dressed in condoms. The character's names are Shaft, Stretch, and Dick. The campaign, called The Three Amigos, has the support of Desmond Tutu who has called the series, "an outstanding contribution to the campaign against HIV/AIDS" and "a powerful communication tool to encourage people to change their sexual behavior". The PSAs vary in length from 15 to 30 seconds and feature such locations as a soccer field where "you just can't score without a condom" and a space ship where "there's no blastoff without a condom." Watch out, Barney. You've got competition.  
  Larry Ellison (aka rich asshole) has a new boat He supposedly came to one of our recent CIO meetings and basically called everyone stupid for not using Oracle databases. At least he's a powerful and wellpaid asshole. -------------- 1. Rising Sun 452'8" Whether you admire the exterior styling of the late Jon Bannenberg or find his cutting-edge yacht designs too, well, edgy, you have to admit that the profile he created for Rising Sun is extraordinary. While some of the largest megayachts in the world have superstructures so towering you wouldn’t be surprised if they caused a solar eclipse, that’s not the case with this new launch, thanks to her sleek stature. The photo here was taken this summer when the yacht first emerged from Lürssen’s build shed, shortly before sea trials; while her windows were covered and there was still some exterior work to do, she’s no less an impressive and indeed imposing sight. Confidentiality agreements have kept everything from details of her design and engineering to renderings of her interior features from being released to the media. Even Lürssen would only refer to her as LE120, her project name: “LE” for Larry Ellison, “120” for her original length in meters. Those of you who are math whizzes have probably figured out that the LOA above doesn’t equate to 120 meters; rather, it’s 138 meters. Why’d the length change? No one associated with the project is permitted to speak publicly, but that hasn’t stopped yacht-spotters worldwide from conjecturing that Ellison wanted to ensure that his yacht would be larger than Paul Allen’s (see no. 2), which was also being built by Lürssen around the same time. Whether or not that’s the reason, one thing we’re pretty certain of is that she’s the first yacht to feature 20-cylinder, 12,000-hp MTU Series 8000s. If she has the four powerplants that we’ve heard she does, then she boasts an astounding 48,000 hp. She also has three tenders in the 40-foot range that were custom-built in New Zealand, two being traditional monohulls to carry guests and crew, and the third being a twin-hulled landing craft to carry a four-wheel-drive vehicle. But our favorite factoid about her comes from Melanie Craft, the novelist who’s also Ellison’s wife. She was reported by Women’s Wear Daily as saying, “I tried to get Larry to call it Princess Melanie, but that got shot down pretty fast.” Y: 2004; B: Lürssen, Germany; N: Builder; H: Steel; E: 4/12,000-hp MTUs Pics:  
  From John Batelle's blog: MSN's blogging tool and myYahoo John Batelle is a columnist with the MIT technolog review, founder of wired magazine, the Industry Standard, and just an overall smart dude. Here's a great post on his person blog: MSN Riposte to MyYahoo RSS Coming In Of Note in Search Biz A birdy with an abiding interest has told me that MSN, through its MyMSN service, will tonight "quietly launch several new features for MyMSN, one of which is the ability to discover, read and search through blog and RSS content." You will also be able to add RSS feeds to your MyMSN page, just like MyYahoo. Innaresting, no? Apparently this will be powered by Moreover. Meanwhile, Dave Winer has launched a conversation about standardizing this whole RSS "Add to" clutter...for more, see here.  
  Woman tore off ex-lover's testicle Brings new meaning to the meaning of my blog: Black and Blue, uggg: A jilted woman today admitted ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands after he refused to have sex with her. Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage after her ex-boyfriend, 37-year-old Geoffrey Jones, rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party. She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: "That's yours." Monti initially tried to hide the testicle by putting it in her mouth, but released it. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ. Monti, of Birkenhead, Merseyside, pleaded guilty to wounding at Liverpool Crown Court today and will be sentenced next month. The court heard that Mr Jones had ended his long-term relationship with Monti towards the end of May last year. The pair remained on good terms and on May 30, Monti offered to collect Mr Jones from a barbecue and drive him to his home in Netherton, Merseyside. She then drove him to another party and then home again, where friends joined them for more drinks. As the drinks party was winding down, Monti told Mr Jones she wanted to discuss their relationship and offered him sex. When he refused, she grabbed his face and a struggle ensued. Mr Jones threw petite Monti, who is little more than 5ft 2ins tall, out of the house. She then smashed a window and confronted him on the doorstep as he went to investigate. Another struggle took place and Monti was knocked to the floor, from where she pulled down Mr Jones' shorts. In a statement read out by judge Charles James, Mr Jones continued: "I was left standing in my underpants. She was still lying on the floor. "Suddenly she grabbed my genitals and pulled hard. That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain." Referring to his friend Danny McDonagh, who was sleeping at the house after the party, Mr Jones said: "I believe Danny walked out shortly afterwards. He came into the kitchen and said to me, 'That's yours', and I saw that he was holding one of my testicles in his hand." Defence barrister Wendy Lloyd said her client did not remember much of the incident. However, she accepted the prosecution's version of events and did not claim to have acted in self-defence. Monti, who spoke only to confirm her name and enter a guilty plea, was released on conditional bail for sentence on February 10.  
  WTF is going on here? Cute but disturbing simultaneously.  
  Walter Mossberg - Business Guru- Comments on why Firefox is the cat's meeow. Walter Mossberg writes about what he likes about the Firefox browser:
My favorite aspect of Firefox is tabbed browsing, a Web-surfing revolution that is shared by all the major new browsers but is absent from IE. With tabbed browsing, you can open many Web pages at once in the same browser window. Each is accessed by a tab. The benefits of tabbed browsing hit home when you create folders of related bookmarks. For instance, on my computer I have a folder of a dozen technology-news bookmarks and another 20 or so bookmarks pointing to political Web sites. A third folder contains 15 or so bookmarks for sites devoted to the World Champion Boston Red Sox. With one click, I can open the entire contents of these folders in tabs, in the same single window, allowing me to survey entire fields of interest. And Firefox can recognize and use Web sites that employ a new technology called "RSS" to create and update summaries of their contents. When Firefox encounters an RSS site, it displays a special icon that allows you to create a "live" bookmark to the site. These bookmarks then display updated headlines of stories on the sites. Firefox also includes a permanent, handy search box that can be used to type in searches on Google, Yahoo, Amazon or other search sites without installing a special toolbar. And it has a cool feature called "Extensions." These are small add-on modules, easy to download and install, that give the browser new features. Among the extensions I use are one that automatically fills out forms and another that tests the speed of my Web connection. You can also download "themes," which change the browser's looks.
  iPod Shuffle and 500 dollar iMacs Um, I think I creamed my pants when I heard this. I tried logging onto and couldn't even get on it was so busy. I think I'm representative of the average PC user. I've heard all the good things about macs, seen how cool they can look, but I'm reticent to try it out because of unfamiliarity and price. Steve Job's is looking to sell to guys like me with this offer. Likely its a loss leader for the innovative company, but if their products are as solid as its reputation preceding it indicates, I'm on board if I can scrape together 500 bucks.  
  Bush 'the king' blows $50m on coronation,12271,1386231,00.html President's lavish inauguration is 'obscene' when US troops are dying in Iraq war, say critics Paul Harri in New York Sunday January 9, 2005 The Observer It will be one of the biggest parties in American history, but half of the country will be left out. With a price tag of up to $50 million, President George W Bush's inauguration in 11 days' time will be an unashamed celebration of Red America's victory over Blue America in last November's election. It is going to be the most expensive, most security-obsessed event in the history of Washington DC. An army of 10,000 police, secret service officers and FBI agents will patrol the capital for four days of massive celebrations that some critics have derided as reminiscent of the lavish shindigs thrown by Louis XIV, France's extravagant Sun King. More than 150,000 people, nearly all Republicans whose tickets are a reward for election work, will pack the Mall to hear Bush take his oath of office on 20 January. There will be nine official balls, countless unofficial ones, parades and a concert hosted by Bush's daughters, Jenna and Barbara.  
  Asia Quake Impacts Va. Well-Water Levels Sat Jan 8,10:21 PM ET RICHMOND, Va. - The South Asian earthquake that spawned deadly tsunami waves also shifted water levels by at least 3 feet in a geologically sensitive Virginia well some 9,600 miles away from the epicenter, researchers say. The well near Christiansburg, which started oscillating about an hour after the magnitude 9 quake near Sumatra on Dec. 26, is particularly sensitive to movements in the Earth and is monitored by the U.S. Geological Survey (news - web sites). David Nelms, a groundwater specialist with the USGS (news - web sites) in Richmond, saw the changes from his computer. "It just shot up and then it went down below where it originally was," Nelms told the Richmond Times-Dispatch for Saturday's editions, adding that it took about five hours for the water to stop fluctuating. The USGS tracks water levels around the country, and has monitors at 21 wells across Virginia, primarily for drought. The Christiansburg well, in the western part of the state, also shows regular, but small, changes caused by tides. ___ On the Net: USGS water monitor: 
  Ann Coulter says, "Lets Nuke North Korea" Could this chick be anymore wacko? ---------------- What would have to happen to make you say it was a bad idea to invade? "That�s a good question. It would be a mistake if we just futz around and the whole country became like one long Falluja. I thought we were wasting way too much time on that. This is a war, let�s go in and win it. Just take the city! I think if it got to the point where it was going on for six, seven years, and it was just Americans patrolling without killing anyone�I�m getting a little fed up with hearing about, oh, civilian casualties. I think we ought to nuke North Korea right now just to give the rest of the world a warning." Click Here  
  Fans of Philip K. Dick have just wet themselves: From Sneak peek at images from A Scanner Darkly BoingBoing buddy Wiley Wiggins says "First images of the Animated Philip K. Dick film A SCANNER DARKLY [directed by Rick Linklater]. I am not involved with this film (unfortunately), but I have seen about 20 minutes of it and it is the most incredible piece of animation I have ever seen." Link to pics on AICN, 
  Did you know Campbells has discontinued Ramen Noodles? I'm mad, but not as mad as this guy: (From MMA.TV)
"First off, Campbell's, I hate you. You had it all going for you with your fancy fucking soups and all, but you just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you? No, you had to go and put ramen noodles on the market. Well, I guess the consumers got the last word on this slap-in-the-dark-face, didn't they, you fucking dickheads. Campbell's ramen noodles have been discontinued...... and no one even noticed. Let me give you a little rundown on why this ingenious marketing idea burned to the ground...... Right off, it is important to understand that every college kid, every bachelor, every single single guy on the face of this planet eats ramen noodles for one reason and one reason only: THEY ARE CHEAP AS FUCK. You can buy FOUR packages of ramen noodles for under a buck, and whether you like the taste or not, you fucking well learn to relish their merciful existence because when you have four dollars left for the rest of the week, ramen noodles quickly become the thin line between life and starvation. Campbell's, for some odd reason, thought that people were buying the dehydrated slivers of starch and packets of colored salt because they just couldn't get enough of that beefy, chickeny, "oriental" delicacy that seemed to be sweeping the nation. NO YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES - WE WERE FUCKING BROKE!!!!! So why am I so mad that they decided to partake in the thriving ramen industry? Because they charged about FIFTY CENTS a pack. That's over TWICE what the regular ramens cost, which insults my intelligence and offends me as a consumer. Sure, the people at Campbell's would like to have you believe that they charge more because they make "better" ramen noodles than the other companies, but anyone who has ever eaten a single ramen noodle can tell you that THEY ALL TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME! Even if they were better, we still wouldn't buy them for one simple reason: you pay twice as much for half the product, NO MATTER HOW SHITTY IT IS. People don't buy ramen noodles for the quality of the product............. they buy them so they don't get hospitalized for malnutrition. Even if we had the extra fifty cents to "upgrade" oUr ramen quality, we wouldn't spend it like that.......... we would simply climb to the next shitty rung on the ladder of single-people food - Always Save Macaroni and Cheese. Let's face it, Campbell's, when's the last time any of your executives went to an expensive company dinner and ordered ramen noodles....... on purpose? When was the last time one of your rich-ass friends invited you over for dinner and this happened: "Nelson, you ought to bring over the wife and kids for dinner tonight." "Sorry, Bob, I have lots of work this evening." "Are you sure? We're breaking out the ramen noodles........" "Really? Is it someone's birthday?" What? That's never happened to you? You know why? Because you aren't poor. Do you want to know why other ramen companies are still thriving and you had to discontinue yours? This is why: Because other companies tell it like it is. Smack motherfucking Ramen. This shit is "smack" for poor people. They don't try to flower it up or make it look all gourmet. Sure, they tried to make it look a little too pretty on the package, but not only does theirs cost eighteen cents a package, they named their entire company "Smack". Because if you have to rely on ramen noodles as your chief source of nutrition, you probably look like a junkie, and Smack sure as fuck isn't going to act like they don't know. Thank you, Smack, for looking our handicap right in the face and not pretending like it doesn't exist. FUCK YOU CAMPBELL'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
  I'm just gonna chill this weekend....  
  Starbucks as Order Management from Cool analysis of the Starbucks order processing method: By taking advantage of an asynchronous approach Starbucks also has to deal with the same challenges that asynchrony inherently brings. Take for example, correlation. Drink orders are not necessarily completed in the order they were placed. This can happen for two reasons. First, multiple baristas may be processing orders using different equipment. Blended drinks may take longer than a drip coffee. Second, baristas may make multiple drinks in one batch to optimize processing time. As a result, Starbucks has a correlation problem. Drinks are delivered out of sequence and need to be matched up to the correct customer. Starbucks solves the problem with the same "pattern" we use in messaging architectures -- they use a Correlation Identifier. In the US, most Starbucks use an explicit correlation identifier by writing your name on the cup and calling it out when the drink is complete. In other countries, you have to correlate by the type of drink. Exception Handling Exception handling in asynchronous messaging scenarios can be difficult. If the real world writes the best stories maybe we can learn something by watching how Starbucks deals with exceptions. What do they do if you can't pay? They will toss the drink if it has already been made or otherwise pull your cup from the "queue". If they deliver you a drink that is incorrect or nonsatisfactory they will remake it. If the machine breaks down and they cannot make your drink they will refund your money. Each of these scenarios describes a different, but common error handling strategy: * Write-off - This error handling strategy is the simplest of all: do nothing. Or discard what you have done. This might seem like a bad plan but in the reality of business this option might be acceptable. If the loss is small it might be more expensive to build an error correction solution than to just let things be. For example, I worked for a number of ISP providers who would chose this approach when there was an error in the billing / provisioning cycle. As a result, a customer might end up with active service but would not get billed. The revenue loss was small enough to allow the business to operate in this way. Periodically, they would run reconciliation reports to detect the "free" accounts and close them. * Retry - When some operations of a larger group (i.e. "transaction") fail, we have essentially two choices: undo the ones that are already done or retry the ones that failed. Retry is a plausible option if there is a realistic chance that the retry will actually succeed. For example, if a business rule is violated it is unlikely a retry will succeed. However, if an external system is not available a retry might well be successful. A special case is a retry with Idempotent Receiver. In this case we can simply retry all operations since the successful receivers will ignore duplicate messages. * Compensating Action - The last option is to undo operations that were already completed to put the system back into a consistent state. Such "compensating actions" work well for example if we deal with monetary systems where we can recredit money that has been debited. All of these strategies are different than a two-phase commit that relies on separate prepare and execute steps. In the Starbucks example, a two-phase commit would equate to waiting at the cashier with the receipt and the money on the table until the drink is finished. Then, the drink would be added to the mix. Finally the money, receipt and drink would change hands in one swoop. Neither the cashier nor the customer would be able to leave until the "transaction" is completed. Using such a two-phase-commit approach would certainly kill Starbucks' business because the number of customers they can serve within a certain time interval would decrease dramatically. This is a good reminder that a two-phase-commit is can make life a lot simpler but it can also hurt the free flow of messages (and therefore the scalability) because it has to maintain stateful transaction resources across the flow of multiple, asynchronous actions. 
  The Music Universe Looking for good new bands? Want to know their discography and musical influences? I got this from one of the blogs I read called "A VC", someone who's very much in tune with new toys. Check it out at here. Anyways, Musicplasma is awesome. Its not perfect but from my good but not great knowledge of the music world, it looks right and I saw bands on there I'd never see before. Awesome stuff. 
  Tucker Carlson just got fired! Now I just need Ann Coulter to be hit by a bus and 2005 will be off to a GRAND start.  
  The Hulk Blog Post of the week: Pure Genius. What Hulk did this week, by Hulk:
Hulk had a lot of leftover Halloween candy and then Hulk had to go to hospital because Hulk's tummy didn't like that at all, no sir. Hulk broke Nintendo game machine because of stupid X-Men game with stupid stinking Wolverine-man and stupid eye-ball laser man. Stupid game. Hulk cleaned bathroom. Hulk watched Teen Titans cartoon and new Puffy AmiYumi cartoon and even Thor with his pretty pretty hair didn't bother him. Hulk saved world from evil Galactus-man and stupid plot to eat it again. Hulk thinks Galactus-man needs to talk to "Weight Watchers" about his problem! HA HA HA HA HA!!!
  F*ck Longhorn, this is Microsoft's newest release.  
  Mrrow! You're fired! Hehehe  
  New Year's Eve has F*cked me UP! Thus, now I should permanantly relocate where its Pacific Standard time. Anyone know any homeopathic remedies for alcohol induced insomnia? I know I'm going to pay for this at work tomorrow. 
  Ok, Wesleyan is a great school and all... Yes, I'm proud of my alma matter. It had a great, relaxed, yet intellectually charged atmosphere -- at least while I was in attendance. A little too many hippies on the downside, then again its better than too many frat boys and jocks. Nothing against frat boys Gabe, but I read somewhere in the New Yorker that those striped shirts....yeah the ones that line your closet? Yeah, they're ovah! Anyways, I digress (although slagging on Gabe for sport has it's moments). Wesleyan gained a reputation of being "Diversity University", which quite frankly it can't shake -- and I mean that pejoratively. It needs to shake it, it should want to shake it, we Wes alumns want it to shake it. You know why? Because instead of attracting future movers and shakers of the world, it attracted potsmoking, barefoot, treehugging hippies. Not a bad thing, but when Wes-Shop has been fully stocked with deodorant for the entire 4 years of my attendance there's something wrong, and it ain't just the B.O. Looking down the list of past "distinguished alumn" I see the likes of Miguel Arteta (director of Starmaps), Sebastian Junger (Writer of A Perfect Storm), Akiva Goldsman (A Beautiful Mind). Then there's the Rusty something or other that prosecuted Enron, Jon Seely Brown the tech guru, some old fart from the class of 1958 who heads up Primedia -- likely the most unscrupulous organization in existence. (If you've ever become friends with someone who's into that Amway or Primedia shit you'll know what I mean, they turn people into scum I tell you.) Yet, there's a pantheon of smarty power thinkers that they don't bother listing among their distinguished alumn. John Hagel is one, Jonathon Schwartz another. Tech guru's, thought leaders, cutting edge movers and shakers. We're talking President of Sun Microsystems folks. Even if Sun is in deep shit, that's another discussion entirely. Point is, they ignore the important people on their list and put on entertainers. Nothing against that, but should Wesleyan be proud of its heritage as a feeder into the entertainment industry or should Wesleyan be proud of its history of putting out thought and industry leaders? I say the latter.  
  Me, my middle finger, and Lauren HEHEH, I was giving Gabe the middle finger. Boy that's funneee, yeah, ahem.  
  This is just wrong... This is the original which is wrong enough: This is the edited version, yikes!  
  Um, its been awhile So, I've taken a long long very long hiatus from the world of blogging. But my interest has been rekindled by this new-fangled blog reading tool caller "Bloglines". Holy crap this is addictive, great research tool too. Hopefully this will make me post consistently since I'm such a slacker. Hey, if I'm going to being having symptoms of carpal tunnel, I might as well have something to show for it. On another note, JUDO IS STARTING UP AGAIN. The new year has begun and I'm ready to start getting all my old passions back in order again. That includes getting shape, drinking less, eating healthy again, maybe getting a bike so I can ride to my old gym that I'm way to far to get to now that I've moved to the other side of Astoria. Yeah I know, some of you would say if you were really passionate about getting shape, a 20 minute walk would mean nothing to me. Well, I say, keeping your workouts intense and productive is important. Walking to and from for 20 minutes would leave me F-ed UP! So my next mission, since Judo is beginning to get interesting me again is to buy me a damn bike. One that's crappy enough that I won't mind it getting stolen, but small enough that I can bring it up to my living room when I want to. So yeah, that's the plan.  
This and that, here and there on tech and other stuff.

7/1/04 / 1/1/05 / 2/1/05 / 3/1/05 / 4/1/05 / 5/1/05 / 6/1/05 / 9/1/05 / 11/1/05 / 12/1/05 / 3/1/06 / 5/1/06 / 6/1/06 / 7/1/06 / 8/1/06 / 10/1/06 /

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